Run, run as fast as you can.

Last night Andy and I officially ran 3 miles. The best part is that we kept a pretty good pace and our times weren't too shabby. Of course, Andy finished a little ahead of me, but that is to be expected since our strides are different. I'm very proud of the the two of us. I know we can do the 5k without a doubt! It's VERY exciting!

This and That

Andy and I have been slacking somewhat on our 5K training, but last night we kicked it into gear. It was our first time running in the cold, and we both fared quite well. We'll be pushing ourselves a lot harder this week, but I know that we can do it!

Adam and Adrienne's wedding is fast approaching. We'll be heading out to SD with Amber on Saturday morning. Hopefully my cold will let up by then.

Exhausted

There has been a lot on my mind lately and I just can't seem to get a good night's rest.

Andy's Grandma passed away on Saturday. We are so thankful that we were able to see her one last time, and pray that she went peacefully. It's not easy, especially when I think of Andy walking out the door and saying 'I love you, Grandma' for the last time.

Things are slowly changing in my family. Missing holidays and weddings seems to be the norm. It angers and saddens me all at once. Never in a million years did I think my family would be like this. I guess change is imminent, whether we like it or not.

My mind is full of thoughts. My mind just cannot rest. Tossing and turning. I would just like to sleep.

Welcome to Las Vegas

We returned home from Las Vegas this past Monday. Andy was able to see his grandma after far too many years, and I was finally able to meet her. It saddens me to know that this will probably be the last time we will see or talk to Marlyn. I am very grateful that Andy and I were able to go out there.

Change

Things are falling apart. There isn't time for tradition, caring, communication, love, equality, patience, understanding, and most of all, there just isn't enough time for each other. It saddens me.

I guess sitting silently is the best thing I can do, but it hurts. Perhaps others have a better understanding of life and what is best. It won't stop hurting though. I just wish it could be like it used to be, but change is inevitable. I don't deal well with change.

Old friends, new perspectives, and life.

Andy and I met up with Rob and Huck for MSU, M's homecoming this past weekend. Overall, we had a nice time. We were all a bit disappointed with the lack of activities provided for the Alum, both by the school and our respective organizations. Needless to say, I think Andy and I will not be returning to campus for another function in quite some time.

This past week has opened my eyes a little on who I need to be and the direction I need to take in my life. I'm not perfect. I never will be. I've been living my life worried about what others will think of me, and it has made me into a very sad person. I'm not living for me, I'm living for them. It's due time I start living for myself and make myself happy. So, the journey begins to figure out who I truly am. It's exciting, and scary.

Am I worth it?

So, I've been rejected from a couple of places I applied. It really shouldn't matter because that happens to everyone, right? Well, it makes me feel pretty bad about myself. My self-esteem and self-confidence just went down a little more, just when I thought it couldn't get much worse. I don't think people realize how miserable I am. They say to change this and that and blah blah blah, but they don't understand that I can't. I know what needs to be done, I can tell you what needs to be done. I just can't do it. I can't describe it, but people, please stop. It makes things worse. It really does. I see a ton of people who are at the point in their life where I would like to be, but I'm no where near it. Honestly, I feel like the biggest loser on Earth.